Scapegoat!

I fear to go outside with Shaanya. In college days once he forcefully took me to a flute concert telling me it’s healthy! WTF. The thing is people won’t make scapegoats, people are scapegoats.  And he left the concert amidst and went to room. I was stuck in the auditorium as I don’t like to walk away while the program is still going on. He gives much hype about everything and easily looses interest about everything!

The irony of the scapegoat club members is they won’t know that they are the members, I mean Scapegoats! What is the solution to avoid becoming scapegoat? Err.., Wait let me think. 

                                               

“Le, I am planning to join swimming, wanna come?”, Shaanya asked with his usual dancing styles and typical NK accent. Not his accent is typical, he only typical. After every hollow dialogue he laughs and asks us, “How was the joke?” He thinks himself as Russel Peter.

“A big no. I have BM’s assignment to finish else he will dump me in his subject for sure”, I replied him while cleaning my specks. White frame needs more attention L

“Hmm.., Don’t you want to grow taller?’, he was bribing me. He knew me well. I stood and checked my height with his, “dude one inch taller I wanna grow, just one inch”, I was pleading him like he gonna credit me an inch height instantly. People always need an extra thing. We never get satisfied about what we have.  I always prayed God to make every one shorter than me. But God might be busy in seeing other applications. Log itna jyada applications kyun  dalte hain? 

“ One inch, hmmm.., 2.52cm... 25.2mm.., daily 0.01mm.., so total.., yeah! I have a pool proof plan (!). You come with me for swimming every day and you will grow one inch within three months”, he told me doing some calculations in air. If Kalam had seen him doing this calculation, he would have announced ‘we found an expert for ISRO’! Ye tho genius nikla.

“Really?”  I enquired in full of gay.

“ It’s not like your ‘Grow Tall’ syrup. By the way Sheeni used to have that and see what happened to him. Now he doesn’t want to marry only. Side effects boss, side effects”, he whispered. Really Sheeni?!

When people know your loop holes, it’s not required to push you in a pit; just their directions suffice to make us fall in a pit.

“I am in”, I replied.

--          --          --

“Queue is not moving. I want to bang every ones arse and make them move.  And Dude, Why are you so freaking out, chill”, I asked Shaanya. I was getting tensed by seeing his expressions. We were in queue for entering the college swimming pool.

“By the way, I forgot to tell you, for going in, we need to have medical certificate signed by the HCC main and Err... we don’t have the certificate. One Budda usually checks the file if he gets doubt about the students and if he comes to know about us as we have not submitted the forms then he will screw us and som.. som..sometimes he will inform to PD too! And more than all, as I have hea.. hea.. heard, he is too sharp “, Shaanya was stammering.

I got hiccups. P...D! That Bast... no that MoFu!!.

“OK, chill. Nothing ha..happened. Act normal, ac..ac..act normal”, Shaanya was still stammering and he was telling me not to be afraid. I thought of leaving the queue and go room but gate was closed. If I go now then Budda definitely will come and enquire me.

I thought, because of fear my shorts gonna get wet before getting in to pool!

“Why queue is moving faster? Is everyone in a hurry to wash their arse there?” (!) We were reaching Budda faster. Meri fati padi thi.

“Err.., Dostha. How did you feel about the movie which you watched yesterday?”, he asked me. I could notice the panic in his voice.

“When did we go for....”, I was enquiring but Shaanya interrupted “Shhh.., just act and response affirmative”. He whispered. He wanted to act normal.

“Do you think me as mad?”

“Yeah”, I replied. He stared at me. “Dude you only told me to be affirmative”, Gave an honest reply.

When we moved nearer to Budda, Shaanya started to talk in Marathi (!), his dancing has increased and no comments about his chootiya jokes.

“By the way I forgot something else too”, Shaanya’s next bomb was to explode.

Were we playing some thrill game? He was giving shock after shock. What is a shock? ‘ Lock kiya jaye? Yay!!  You won 5 crore rupee  in KBC 2 and you are now a damn celebrity’. No it’s happy tears. ‘Dude, yesterday you carried math copy chit but you wrote that in social paper!’  Yeah this is a shock.

 “Soaps and shampoos are not allowed here but I have brought shampoo to wash hair. If he catches me then I will be expelled. See the rules on board”, he pointed at the notice board.

 WTH, I was totally pissed off, without my knowledge I started talking in NK style!! Shaanya’s turn came. Budda was checking his cover; I was so pissed, to drag Budda’s attention I said, “My senior raped me yesterday!” Everyone started looking at me. Even Shaanya was giving horrified look but that Budda did not even lift his chin. Budda was really strict and stubborn. If I would have raped him then also he would not have stopped his cover checking duty! 

I was numb when Shaanya got gate pass through the Budda. Next was my turn. Budda saw me, I smiled hesitantly. Thought I will wish him it will make him special and may become liberal. What a stupid logic. He opened my cover, HELL!! To my disbelief, shampoo was in my cover!! Shaanya had slipped shampoo in my cover without my knowledge and had escaped!!

What is the solution to avoid becoming scapegoat? Err.., Wait let me think. Is there any? If you find, let me know it first please!

Watching movie is fun??

I always tell Moti not to bring much eatables to my room else I will become fluffy like her and Sheeni needs to carry needle always with him to poke me and blast me to make me normal! We the three guys, Sheeni, Moti and myself, watch movies together and I can’t recollect when we started watching and became fan of non-linear movies. We believed Nolan is the Father of film Industry. And not to specify it won’t be fun watching movie without eatables.

‘Sheeni, which is the movie of this week?’, I enquired.

“Cloud Atlas’, he replied showing me the DVD cover.

‘Non-linear??’ Moti and I asked simultaneously.

‘Ever I brought any linear movie? I don’t give a damn to other genre’, Sheeni replied and touched the foot of Nolan, a poster which I pasted on my room wall. He went on, ‘But it’s not Nolan’s’. Moti and I got depressed. ‘But I have read the reviews. It says we won’t understand the movie in one go, need to watch it twice or thrice’.

We started laughing.

‘We had understood Nolan’s in one go, what this shit can has. Are the reviewers dumb? I will watch the movie for the first 20 minutes and can tell the full story. It won’t be a hard nut’, 

Moti was over confident. She had already finished 2 chips covers and was planning on my share of pizza. She is faster. For my stomach’s sake (!), I sat at corner and placed Sheeni in middle, beside Moti. Nodded her, signalling to take Sheeni’s share, he won’t mind.

I turned to Sheeni,’ Play CA’.

‘What’s CA?’ he enquired.

‘CLOUD ATLAS!’, I guffawed. Sheeni got irritated. ‘Don’t make too much short cuts you MoFu, GFY’.

I like when Sheeni get irritated. Looked at Moti, she had finished Sheeni’s pizza too! She is 3G Zoo-Zoo. Vodafone may be ‘launching’ her soon. Of course, defying gravity!

Movie started and first 20 minutes got over. We all were glued to the screen. None was removing their eyes from screen. I was shocked to see Moti had not eaten anything since the start of movie.

’20 minutes over, guess the story’, I asked Moti patting on her head.

She was dumb struck. She pinched herself to check, is she dreaming? Interlink of past, present, future and damn technology had confused her.

‘Dude, I guess they have mixed many Hollywood trailers and made as a movie’, she was tensed and horrified. This was happening first time. She had stopped eating to concentrate more on movie and she had no clue of what was happening in movie. Rather better to say none of us had a clue.

Sheeni got irritated,’ Shhh... Dialogues are not audible. Keep quite’.

‘I even not understanding the visuals, leave audio’, I scratched my head and without permission played the DVD from beginning. ‘A fresh start’, I said monotonously and nobody objected! It was like doctor advised pizza and I offered pizza too! Everyone wanted to start the movie from beginning but nobody said just because of attitude.

Thirty minutes passed and still we had not a clue of what was happening in the movie. Moti had thrown all the eatables at corner and covered herself with the bed-sheet and cautiously watching the movie as if she gonna get into the movie.

Sheeni had tears in his eyes due to pronged watching without blinking his eyes. He has leaned totally towards the laptop screen, listening to every single word and if it was not audible he used to rewind and play.

   One hour got over, still I did not get even a bit of clue what was going on, only some scenes were showed which were mutually exclusive. Past present future ki ma behan kar di thi usme. But Moti and Sheeni were in same position as if they understand it clearly.

I stooped front and checked the remaining time of the movie. 'Why you check the time often?', Sheeni's irritated tone beamed. Moti too nodded! I thought I am the only idiot sitting without understanding the movie. Still 2 hours more! I saw through corner of my eyes, they too were seeing the time left through corner of their eyes and our eyes connected and they suddenly turned to the screen. Then I got to know, everyone had the same thought in their mind,’ STILL TWO HOURS!! I need to sit here for next two hours and watch some scenes which are bouncing like anything over my head’. But none spoke. Ego matters boss.

I laughed at us remembering what Moti had told before the start of movie, telling the whole story by just watching the first 20 minutes.

I went to pee and came back. ‘Shall I rewind it from where you missed?’, Sheeni asked me keeping the cursor on rewind button.

‘Hell, will I understand anything from that part?’ I asked Sheeni, trying to make the atmosphere easy.

‘Negative’, he nodded and grinned.

Moti was back with eatables, she had last her interest in movie. ‘I have seen this scene in one trailer’, she murmured with pop corn in her mouth. She still believed that this is not a movie but just a mixture of some trailers! God save CA!!

I looked at Moti and she too was looking at me. We grinned. We completely had lost interest in movie but we can’t leave the room or change the movie because we had ‘movie-pact’ that no one leaves the room without watching the complete movie except for toilets!

I had written the pact and pasted it below the Nolan’s poster. Screw me. Time scrolled but Sheeni did not change his position, he was sitting front of us and Moti and I, both were resting our back to wall. Moti and I quarreled for the last piece of pizza, place to keep leg, pillow fight and even for the more silly things. We thought it was the better option than facing the bouncing balls. When we got bored of fights too, I stooped front to check the remaining time, 30 minutes! 

I got irritated and turned to Sheeni to tell him to change the movie and screw the pact. But hell broke, to my amusement, MuFu, GFY was sleeping with his mouth open! I showed that to Moti. She got irritated and kicked him. Both started laughing. ‘Crap. We were watching the movie ((!) I looked at her and winked) just because you were watching but you..,’ I too kicked him.

‘Dude what shall I do? No meaning in the scenes. Which is past, present and future in the movie? It’s not non-linear but curvy-linear or say, hyperbola. Who said watching movie is fun? I got doubt about my existence while watching this movie. Sorry not movie, mixture of trailers!’, Sheeni blurted out. And all broke to laughter.

Till date neither we watched it again nor we understood a bit of the CA. 

P.S: Remembering the faces really eases out the movie. BOL! (best of luck) :P