Sunday, October 27, 2013


I fear to go outside with Shaanya. In college days once he forcefully took me to a flute concert telling me it’s healthy! WTF. The thing is people won’t make scapegoats, people are scapegoats.  And he left the concert amidst and went to room. I was stuck in the auditorium as I don’t like to walk away while the program is still going on. He gives much hype about everything and easily looses interest about everything!
The irony of the scapegoat club members is they won’t know that they are the members, I mean Scapegoats! What is the solution to avoid becoming scapegoat? Err.., Wait let me think. 
“Le, I am planning to join swimming, wanna come?”, Shaanya asked with his usual dancing styles and typical NK accent. Not his accent is typical, he only typical. After every hollow dialogue he laughs and asks us, “How was the joke?” He thinks himself as Russel Peter.
“A big no. I have BM’s assignment to finish else he will dump me in his subject for sure”, I replied him while cleaning my specks. White frame needs more attention L

“Hmm.., Don’t you want to grow taller?’, he was bribing me. He knew me well. I stood and checked my height with his, “dude one inch taller I wanna grow, just one inch”, I was pleading him like he gonna credit me an inch height instantly. People always need an extra thing. We never get satisfied about what we have.  I always prayed God to make every one shorter than me. But God might be busy in seeing other applications. Log itna jyada applications kyun  dalte hain? 

“ One inch, hmmm.., 2.52cm... 25.2mm.., daily 0.01mm.., so total.., yeah! I have a pool proof plan (!). You come with me for swimming every day and you will grow one inch within three months”, he told me doing some calculations in air. If Kalam had seen him doing this calculation, he would have announced ‘we found an expert for ISRO’! Ye tho genius nikla.

“Really?”  I enquired in full of gay.

“ It’s not like your ‘Grow Tall’ syrup. By the way Sheeni used to have that and see what happened to him. Now he doesn’t want to marry only. Side effects boss, side effects”, he whispered. Really Sheeni?!

When people know your loop holes, it’s not required to push you in a pit; just their directions suffice to make us fall in a pit.

“I am in”, I replied.
--          --          --
“Queue is not moving. I want to bang every ones arse and make them move.  And Dude, Why are you so freaking out, chill”, I asked Shaanya. I was getting tensed by seeing his expressions. We were in queue for entering the college swimming pool.

“By the way, I forgot to tell you, for going in, we need to have medical certificate signed by the HCC main and Err... we don’t have the certificate. One Budda usually checks the file if he gets doubt about the students and if he comes to know about us as we have not submitted the forms then he will screw us and som.. som..sometimes he will inform to PD too! And more than all, as I have hea.. hea.. heard, he is too sharp “, Shaanya was stammering.

I got hiccups. P...D! That Bast... no that MoFu!!.
“OK, chill. Nothing ha..happened. Act normal, normal”, Shaanya was still stammering and he was telling me not to be afraid. I thought of leaving the queue and go room but gate was closed. If I go now then Budda definitely will come and enquire me.
I thought, because of fear my shorts gonna get wet before getting in to pool!

“Why queue is moving faster? Is everyone in a hurry to wash their arse there?” (!) We were reaching Budda faster. Meri fati padi thi.

“Err.., Dostha. How did you feel about the movie which you watched yesterday?”, he asked me. I could notice the panic in his voice.

“When did we go for....”, I was enquiring but Shaanya interrupted “Shhh.., just act and response affirmative”. He whispered. He wanted to act normal.

“Do you think me as mad?”

“Yeah”, I replied. He stared at me. “Dude you only told me to be affirmative”, Gave an honest reply.

When we moved nearer to Budda, Shaanya started to talk in Marathi (!), his dancing has increased and no comments about his chootiya jokes.

“By the way I forgot something else too”, Shaanya’s next bomb was to explode.
Were we playing some thrill game? He was giving shock after shock. What is a shock? ‘ Lock kiya jaye? Yay!!  You won 5 crore rupee  in KBC 2 and you are now a damn celebrity’. No it’s happy tears. ‘Dude, yesterday you carried math copy chit but you wrote that in social paper!’  Yeah this is a shock.

 “Soaps and shampoos are not allowed here but I have brought shampoo to wash hair. If he catches me then I will be expelled. See the rules on board”, he pointed at the notice board.

 WTH, I was totally pissed off, without my knowledge I started talking in NK style!! Shaanya’s turn came. Budda was checking his cover; I was so pissed, to drag Budda’s attention I said, “My senior raped me yesterday!” Everyone started looking at me. Even Shaanya was giving horrified look but that Budda did not even lift his chin. Budda was really strict and stubborn. If I would have raped him then also he would not have stopped his cover checking duty! 

I was numb when Shaanya got gate pass through the Budda. Next was my turn. Budda saw me, I smiled hesitantly. Thought I will wish him it will make him special and may become liberal. What a stupid logic. He opened my cover, HELL!! To my disbelief, shampoo was in my cover!! Shaanya had slipped shampoo in my cover without my knowledge and had escaped!!
What is the solution to avoid becoming scapegoat? Err.., Wait let me think. Is there any? If you find, let me know it first please!


  1. The only thing I can think about saving myself from being another friend's scapegoat is to be an even bigger asshole.

    1. Lol! But true words :) Never under estimate the power of a common man, rather say, asshole!!

  2. I would have written something like committing to honor your integrity and gaining and preserving your self respect BUT after reading KK's comment I am speechless... that one sounds more practical... haha haha...:P

    1. Both views are correct but as you said, and sad part too, KK's more practical :) Now becoming scapegoat has become a natural phenomenon.. I guess, soon in text books they gonna add 'tricks to make scapegoat and to avoid becoming one' :P